The month of May is Lupus awareness month! It’s a time for the lupus community to come together and shine a spotlight on Lupus awareness. This month I thought I would kick it off with one of the most asked questions from family members and friends whose loved ones suffer from lupus…..How can we support our loved ones?
There are many ways to support a loved one with lupus but today I’m going to speak from personal experience with what means the most to me. Because everyone is different meaning support will look different to everyone. But there are the basics that we will look over today.
Open Communication
The best rule of thumb would be to have an open conversation with your loved one. Everyone is different. There is not a one size fit all shoe for how to go about being there for a loved one who is chronically ill. Some people like it when you offer specifics and others like an open-ended invitation to know you are there if they need you. The best way to figure out how you can help your loved one is to communicate! Asking questions like:
- How can I support you better?
- What would the ideal way I can support you look like?
- Would XYZ help?
- Do you need help doing XYZ?
Do your own research
On top of communication, the next most important thing would be to do your own research. Understand what lupus is, the struggles people with lupus go through, how lupus affects someone mentally and physically, etc. Spending time understanding what your loved one is dealing with means more than words. It can take less than 10 minutes and in my opinion, it’s the bare minimum alongside communicating. Below I have linked a article going over the lupus basics.
It’s hard for some family members/ friends to understand that although lupus is invisible it is not imaginary. Even family members who mean well just have never been exposed to a chronic illness that can control every part of your life when unmanaged. That’s why I’ve found doing your own research is the best approach for someone to understand on a deeper level. And be able to care and support for a loved one suffering from lupus.
Manage your emotions
This one may seem out of place but healed people heal people and hurt people hurt people. Managing your emotions (healthily processing them) and taking care of yourself. Are the only way you will be able to be there for someone else consistently and healthy. The best way to be able to take care of someone else is to be taking care of yourself. Being stable emotionally and mentally stable is the best thing you can provide.
Personally, learning to become mentally healthy and healthily manage my emotions has taught me what boundaries are, what I can and can’t control, how to show love, and so much more. I started by going to therapy but there are many books, blog posts, videos, and resources all over the internet to get introduced to these topics. For me, my mom was there for me through it all and if it wasn’t for the stability mentally and emotionally she provided I don’t know how I would have gotten through the hard times. Be the anchor through the rough seas for your loved one.
Respect boundaries
When it comes to health-related issues from personal experience I can say some family members go a little overboard. I completely understand why though. It’s scary having any health issues and when it’s a loved one it’s easy to get blinded by fear. Which usually results in smothering, pressuring, and all-around uncomfortableness. Leading us back to the communication. You can only help as much as someone wants you to otherwise the help turns into harm.
I know it’s hard to see your loved one in pain but allowing them to set the boundary of how you play an active role in their health is the most important. It’s great to read articles, find resources for them, etc. But be conscious and respectful of their boundaries!
Communication, education, and self-awareness are the three keys to supporting someone in a healthy way….in my opinion! If you have read to the end of this article I respect your effort in wanting to support your loved one with lupus and hope you were able to take something from this. For more lupus-related content click here!
