Creating Boundaries During the Holidays for those with Autoimmune Diseases

The holiday season is a time of joy, celebration, and connection, but for those living with autoimmune diseases, it can also be a time of stress, exhaustion, and flare-ups. Between social obligations, travel, and family expectations, it’s easy to overextend yourself—potentially triggering symptoms that could take weeks to recover from.

Setting boundaries during the holidays is essential to protect your health and ensure you can enjoy this season in a way that works for you. Here’s how to communicate your needs and set limits while maintaining loving relationships with those around you.

Why Boundaries Matter When You Have an Autoimmune Disease

Autoimmune conditions like lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, or multiple sclerosis are highly sensitive to stress, overexertion, and lack of rest. Overdoing it—whether it’s attending every event, cooking elaborate meals, or traveling extensively—can result in flares that leave you in pain, fatigued, or otherwise unwell.

I wanted to do another post about creating boundaries because for those not used to sticking up for themselves creating boundaries can be awkward or feel mean. Having a few oneliners in your back pocket is helpful when you’re just starting out setting and maintaining boundaries with loved ones. I gave a few examples of quick “oneliners” you can use to set boundaries kindly, effectively, and not awkwardly. Let’s go ahead and jump into the post!

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about honoring your body’s needs so you can show up as your best self. By prioritizing your health, you’re also prioritizing the quality of the time you spend with loved ones.

How to Set Holiday Boundaries Without Guilt

Get Clear on Your Limits: Before the holiday rush begins, take time to reflect on what you need to stay healthy and avoid flares. Ask yourself:

• How much socializing feels manageable?
• How many hours of rest or downtime do I need daily?
• What activities drain me the most, and how can I minimize them?
• How far can I travel without it being too taxing?

Once you’re clear on your personal limits, you can communicate them with confidence.

Have Honest, Early Conversations: Let loved ones know your needs ahead of time so expectations are clear. Use gentle, straightforward language:

• “I’d love to come to the family dinner, but I’ll need to leave by 7 p.m. to get enough rest.”
• “I’m happy to help with cooking, but I won’t be able to stay on my feet the whole time. Let’s divide tasks so I can sit and rest in between.”
• “Traveling out of town isn’t an option for me this year, but I’d love to video chat or see you when you’re back.”

Most people will appreciate your honesty and want to support you. If someone pushes back, calmly reiterate that you’re making choices to protect your health.

Learn to Say ‘No’ Without Apology: Saying no can feel uncomfortable, especially during the holidays when there’s pressure to be everywhere and do everything. But saying “yes” at the expense of your health doesn’t benefit anyone. Try saying:

• “Thank you for including me, but I need to sit this one out to rest.”
• “I’d love to join, but I need to prioritize my health right now. I hope you understand.”

You don’t owe lengthy explanations. A kind and firm response is enough.

Plan for Downtime: The holidays can be overwhelming, so schedule breaks into your day to recharge. Whether it’s a nap, a quiet cup of tea, or 30 minutes to read a book, treat these moments as non-negotiable appointments with yourself. If you’re attending a full-day gathering, identify a quiet space where you can take short breaks. Step away when you need to, even if it feels like “missing out”—your health comes first.

Simplify and Delegate: If you’re hosting or helping with holiday tasks, don’t try to do it all. Ask for help and delegate where you can:

• Suggest potluck-style meals instead of cooking everything yourself.
• Order pre-made dishes or desserts.
• Let family members take over cleaning or decorating.

Simplifying tasks doesn’t diminish the holiday experience. It allows you to conserve energy for what really matters: connecting with loved ones.

Prioritize Stress Management: Stress is a major trigger for autoimmune flares, so finding ways to manage it during the holidays is key. Check out our blog post “Stress and Autoimmune Diseases” to learn more about the connection. Make sure to take time for:

• Deep breathing or meditation to calm your nervous system.
• Light movement or stretching to ease stiffness or tension.
• Time in nature or quiet spaces for mental clarity and rest.

Don’t be afraid to decline stressful conversations or step away from family conflicts if they arise. Protecting your peace is part of managing your health.

What to Do If Someone Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

Not everyone will understand your limits, and that’s okay. If someone challenges your boundaries, stay calm and compassionate, but stand firm.

You might say:
• “I know it’s hard to understand, but this is what I need to stay well. I appreciate your support.”
• “I care about being here with you, but I have to listen to my body first.”

Sometimes, setting boundaries teaches others the importance of self-care, too.

The holidays should be a time of joy, not burnout. By creating boundaries that honor your body’s needs, you can enjoy meaningful moments without sacrificing your health. It’s not selfish—it’s necessary. The people who truly care about you will understand and want you to feel your best.

How do you set boundaries during the holidays? Share your tips or experiences in the comments below to help others navigate this season with an autoimmune condition!